Last week I was asked for my thoughts on the 50 Shades of Grey movie premiere by a friend who is working on a news report which will air today. She explained to me her concern and difficulty writing the outline due to the fact she herself is uncomfortable with the entire thought of enjoying the idea of allowing someone to bind and control her. Why would her news rooms ask her to report on this topic knowing she is uncomfortable with topic; the answer is simple, she fits the demographic. She is in her early thirties, she is an attractive sexy woman and she is not married. After a short video discussion (primarily to see her reaction) she had plenty to work off for her report.
I began by assuring her there was nothing to be uncomfortable with the topic of controlled bondage. I explained how well organized and behaved the dominant partner would be and how they would not allow any harm come to the other. I explained how the amygdala in the cerebral hemisphere of our brain is responsible for multiple emotional responses, like love, fear, anger and sexual desire, and with all these firing at once the reaction is extraordinary. After 30 minutes of discussion I realized she was enjoying the idea of the report and the act of bondage. She asked me “why do you feel Americans are so uptight over sex but into this book series?” Tricky question to answer, I explained from my view point that Americans have very little understanding of sex and furthermore the Karma Sutra. Much of the world doesn’t look at sex with blinders on like Americans seem too. Many cultures introduce their young to the ways of the Karma Sutra and creative love making before they’re coming of age. This could also be one of the reasons for the high rate of young pregnancies and rape in our country. Pleasing all parties involved in the art of making love or sex is what the aim is, however in our culture it would appear that this is not the case. In 50 Shades of Grey the art of seduction create the need and want for more, something Americans can’t seem to wrap their minds around. We skirt by Victoria’s Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood as if we were going to catch something and then hide Adult magazines or erotic fiction stories in secret lock boxes. Americans have no problem talking trash or being the player until it makes it to the bedroom or hotel room, then they want to wrap it up in 20 minutes and go to sleep. Seduction, sex, love, romance, with or without restraints should take you out of this world and only after you are exhausted should you return. Sex and seduction is an art form and should be worked on over time and will create something amazing, it is not something to be taken lightly like many teenagers in America visualize in music videos.
The concerns I have with the movie being released on Valentines weekend is the lack of control many people, lovers or not won’t have. They idea of a romantic or erotic weekend is obviously exciting however with the addition of alcohol, parties and chocolate, I feel it maybe hard for some to perform at a higher level. Many will obviously dabble in the art of bondage submission and sex after attending the movies release and some will find real pleasure and others may lose control. The loss of control can and will result in injures and possibly death. Yes, death is quite possible if the dominant partner doesn’t know how to control the energy being manifested and also if the submissive partner loses control and succumb to fear.
My other concern is for woman primarily, the problem with taking a book story which was extremely successful and living it on the silver screen is the disappointment of the female imagination. Woman are not as visual as men (thank goodness for some of us) and I know many woman who will be upset with the characters and the portrayal of their imaginary Christian Grey or Anastasia Steele.
My final concern is the discussion of rape, which I know will be raised by many critics. Rape is over used and under appreciated in the USA. Rape is horrific and certainly wrong when a woman or man is forced into a sexual act without their consent. I am extremely opinionated on this topic because it is abused by to many woman who are not willing to take responsibility for their personal actions. The argument will arise that Christian Grey forced himself on the young woman using his power, wealth and influence. This has happened over and over through time but the fact still stands that she could say NO and walk away at anytime, thus never experiencing her true erotic energy and still being comfortable with it.
My friend asked if I had read the books, I explained how I had read quickly through them at a book store while traveling but never purchased them because I felt my wife and I enjoyed an excellent erotic relationship already and they didn’t really do much more for us. I also thought the writing needed some work, but that is just my opinion as a writer who hasn’t sold 50 zillion copies of my own books.
If you have read the books and are going to view the movie this weekend, please enjoy it for what it is and remember to enjoy each other safely afterwards.